Monday - Hot, humid and sunny
A not very good day.
I had an okay morning. When I got up this morning it was already 29 degrees in our room with the window shut. I opened it and got a little breeze, but not much of one.
I had a quiet day mostly at home. I did a load of laundry, then did some prep for dinner tonight. After that I went to the post office and then came back home again.
F called around 5:30 or so, but I told him to go and visit his mother. She’s been asking him round for ages. He went and a few minutes later my phone rang again. It was my student for tomorrow’s class asking to reschedule, so I took care of that. After that, I worked on some veggie prep for our dinner.
When F came home, I thought everything was fine, until he told me that he needed my passport. I didn’t mind until he said he had to send a photocopy to the travel company. I’m afraid I wasn’t too happy with that. Instead of talking about it calmly with me to see why I was worried, he felt it was better to slam a few doors and storm out of the apartment.
While he was gone, I cooked my dinner and ate it. It was darn good. I had garlic pork, salad, celery sticks and cucumber sandwiches. Everything was really good. I skipped the tofu we got last night as I’m not a huge fan.
I did the dishes and did some internet work. F finally came home but slammed a few more doors. I offered to make his dinner but he was too angry for that and I also told him that I was finally okay with him doing what he wanted to do. He was still angry and said that it was too late. Big deal, really.
So, the rest of the night has been him ignoring me and me ignoring him. I personally am not sure that going on vacation with him is a smart thing to do anyway, given our horrible track record on vacations. I’m honestly not sure why he’s so upset. He knows how paranoid I am about personal information getting out. I’m the one who has two paper shredders for heaven’s sake!
Anyway, not a great day really. I’m so tired of fighting with F over nothing. I keep wondering what happens if something important comes along? That’s it for me. Night.
***Edited to add...we were much friendlier after I wrote all this. F got his information sent out and he has now gone to bed. It was quite bleak when I left off before, but things are, at least on the surface, better now.
1 comment:
I don't know your marriage, and wouldn't presume to do so, but I've been reading your blog for years now. Often, it seems that the fights you have are based on small things which indicate some underlying problem which isn't being discussed and relates to a core personality trait of one or the other of you. For instance, you get irritated with how noisy he is and if he wakes you up with his noise-making, he's showing a lack of consideration for you in a small space. You've said that he sometimes gets irritated at you for sleeping in and I wonder if the banging around is a passive-aggressive way of showing displeasure for your lifestyle habits by waking you up. Since you often have displeasure at his lifestyle habits, it could be there's an overall thread of impatience/intolerance that you're both responding to.
Living together in small places, especially if people have different feelings about such things, can be very hard. I've written before that if I wake up early in the morning, I can't really do anything for fear of making noise if I wake up early (and just tend to sit around reading the computer in a dark room) and we use a white noise machine to mask sounds when we sleep. It takes a lot of extra consideration to get along here.
Have you two ever sat down and talked out the root of these small problems to see if there's a bigger one? Early on in my marriage, my husband and I fought nearly every day. For about four years, we had lots of fights, but we tugged at those knots and got them all worked out. Often, irritation at some dumb little thing was a manifestation of a bigger thing. It was hard work, but now we don't have those types of fights much at all. We figured out what drove them and reached compromises which have served us well for the last 19 years.
It's just a thought. I know every relationship is different, and my experiences can't be effectively transferred to anyone else. I hope that it gets better for you. I know how exhausting fighting, especially over seemingly small things, can be.
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