May 6, 2018

Sunday - Cloudy, windy, muggy

Not a good day.

It had a weird start, today did.  I got up somewhere around 9 this morning. F was up, around 10 he said he was going to make something to eat. Next thing he presented me with an overflowing bowl of Akita Udon and sauce. I didn’t want it, I didn’t ask for it, but I knew that I’d have to choke down some of it if I was going to have a good day.  I managed to eat about half of it before giving the rest back to him to eat.  Why the heck didn’t he ASK if I wanted any first.  I didn’t. 

We got dressed and in the car and drove out to Sakata to meet up with my friend.  On the way there she phoned to say she wasn’t sure if she should meet us as she wasn’t feeling too well.  I suggested she rest for a while and get back to us.  By the time we were near her area, she was feeling better and we arranged to meet up with her near her home.  

She brought her daughter with her and it was lovely to see them both.  We had a nice lunch at Very Berry Soup Company and a lot of chatting.  After lunch, we walked to a new store and had gelato, then walked her back to her home.  F got to push the baby buggy so I think he enjoyed himself and my friend got a rest.

After we said our goodbyes, F and I walked back to the car and decided to go for coffee.  He wanted something local, I wanted Starbucks.  After I suggested it, F agreed too.  We went off and stood in a long line for our frappuccinos. We sat and tried and failed miserably to use the wifi.  

We headed back to Tsuruoka and I admit I snoozed a bit.  On the way, F suggested getting some food at the mall which was fine with me.  We were looking at the deli section, F had picked up some gyoza for his mother. So far, so good. I picked up some salads for my lunches and then F wanted to get something for our dinner.  Okay, if there was anything that we would both eat.  There were a lot of things that I would like, some roast beef, some tortilla rolls, some chicken, but there didn’t seem to be much for F.  I asked him what he’d like and he snapped at me.  He dropped the basket and walked off.  

I decided to just do the rest of my shopping.  I picked up a few things for myself for the next couple of days and then paid.  I went outside to the parking lot to find the car, but the car was gone.  Great.  

I needed to use the washroom by now and I needed some time to decide what to do.  I headed in to the mall and as I was heading into the toilet, I saw F coming out.  I gave him the shopping bag and told him there was some stuff in there for his mother and that he should wait for me. 

I went in, used the facilities, and then came out.  He was waiting for me, but as soon as I came out he stalked off to the car which he had moved to a different area of the parking lot. I followed him and asked him what was going on.  He yelled at me that it was too stressful trying to decide what to eat with me.  I laughed at him because I’m constantly in a state of nerves suggesting places to eat with him because he doesn’t like anything anymore. He ordered me out of the car because I was laughing at him.  When I refused, he turned off the engine, took the keys and got out of the car.  He locked the car and went off for a few minutes.  I had no idea where. 

He came back and tried to order me out again. I refused. He drove us back to the house, parked the car and went into the house.  Neither of us said anything.  He put the groceries away all over the place, mostly in the wrong place because they were mine.

I tried to make up with him, but he was upset for a long time, and to be honest, so was I.  I didn’t ask for this move and I am certainly not enjoying living here. 

He took his mother to the onsen and they were gone for a lovely quiet and blissful hour and a half or so.

When he came back I asked how he was and he was a little better.  Finally around 8:30 or so I asked if he’d take me out for me to get something to eat and he said he would.  

I suggested Gusto, which I know he doesn’t like, but is cheapish and stays open late. I had wanted pasta.  When we got close to the restaurant he announced he was going to stay in the car. I asked him not to do that.

He did come into the restaurant with me.  I didn’t have pasta as all of them had tomato sauces and I didn’t think I could handle them.  I had some chicken, F had an order of fish and chips.  Things got better after we’d eaten, but he didn’t talk to me for most of the time there. He just listened to his iPhone.  

Earlier in the evening, I reminded him that if we got the wifi working in the house he’d be able to watch videos for less money, plus he could actually watch them on his computer.  

He’s gone to bed finally and seems to be sleeping.  Was it too much togetherness?  I think it was.  He isn’t doing well with the weather and his health but to be honest, this crap has gone on for so long.  Just last night I was reading back in my blog about some of the things he’s pulled, calling it my fault.  I’m not buying it.  He’s ruined a lovely little vacation and upset the precarious little peace I had found about living here.  I have other places that I can be….can he say the same?

Come back later if you will and see what happens on Monday.  Until tomorrow….


Doris said...

i always feel bad whenever I read that he acted that way towards you. What else could you do but laugh? Hang in there. What would happen if one day you did get out of the car and never looked back?

Helen said...

I have, at times, got out of the car when there is a way back to where I am living. However, the mall that we were at is 20 minutes by car from Tsuruoka, so I wouldn't be able to walk. The bus schedule isn't great...and it was later in the evening.

The not looking back part is the thing though isn't it? Not ready for that yet.

Orchid64 said...

I'm concerned for you because this business of ordering you out of the car when he knows there is no way for you to get home is abuse. He's risking your health and safety with his behavior. It's beyond having a tantrum and taking it out on you. Given that you are at his mercy in this respect (not being able to drive and living in an area with less public transport coverage), this is very worrying. If you don't already have a contact somewhere that can rescue you if he does decide to abandon you, please have one. Maybe someone from the AFWJ (or better, a few people). The worst part is that he knows the position he's putting you in. This is designed to bully you into being submissive to his wishes and to sublimate your own desires. It's intimidation. Please take care.

Helen said...

Thanks for your message. I do have some contacts that I can call thanks. I don't want to say more.

You actually aren't saying anything that I haven't thought myself, just strange to see someone else write it.

Thank you for your concern.