Wednesday - Warm and then really cold and now warmer again
Today did not get off to a good start. I went to bed at an early for me time last night and managed to fall asleep fairly easily. This morning F got up and turned on the lights but didn’t bother to turn off his alarm. He plays this kind of game when he is angry with me. I managed to turn off the alarm once, but it went again. He was back in the room by this time and started demanding that I get up and go and shovel snow. I did, but by the time I was up, dressed and outside, he’d already done all the shovelling and had left. That was a pointless exercise then.
I came back inside, locked the door and got back into bed. I tried to sleep more but didn’t manage. I roused myself later and watched the news. I thought I heard someone outside shovelling snow around 10 but I wasn’t sure. I didn’t see anyone and I can’t see out the windows that face that direction without opening them. I dressed and got on with my day.
I had breakfast and then a bit before lunch I went outside to have a look at the snow. A lot of it around the house was gone, and there was a bag of chemicals near the garage. I grabbed the snow shovel and the scoop and did a bit of snow removal. A lot of the snow was frozen hard and was now liftable, so I moved a bunch of frozen hard snow. I got quite a bit of it done. The snow and the chemical seemed to be doing its work too.
I went back in the house around 2 and grabbed my lunch. I went upstairs and ate and also watched Long Shot, a rom-com with Seth Rogan and Charlize Theron. I liked it a lot, but was a bit surprised at all the drug stuff in the movie. The Seth Rogan part didn’t surprise me, I want to be clear, but the Charlize Theron bit did. I thought it was for the most part a fairly intelligent, fun movie.
I watched the news and then decided to go downstairs and start preparing dinner. I had no idea when or if F would be back or if he’d call me first. Judging by his past behaviour, I didn’t think he would as when he’s angry at me he doesn’t bother calling me.
I cooked dinner tonight and it was quite nice. K and I ate in the living room and we had sautéed pork, steamed vegetables, salad, cheese potato triangles and cream of mushroom soup. It all tasted rather nice, even if a lot of it was from the freezer.
I did the dishes after dinner. I did up the garbage in the kitchen as it was almost overflowing. Then, I went upstairs. I decided to do the garbage in the bedroom, or at least my garbage, so I bagged it all up and took it downstairs.
I was going to take it to the gomi station a bit early when I noticed that F was outside with his car. Great. I had to make him move to let me past and then for some reason he brought over more garbage from the garage. I had a hard time with the garbage station’s door, but got it. We put the garbage in and then went back to the house. I washed my hands and offered him the food that I’d left for him on the table. He refused it of course.
A few minutes later when I went upstairs he was already in bed. He was all wrapped up in his quilts but had the lights on. I asked him if I should turn them off for him, which I did. That’s the last I’ve heard from him.
I took a shower a little later and then came back upstairs. After a little YouTube, I watched New Amsterdam and then offed the TV.
Last year at this time I was in Vegas where it was warm and there wasn’t any snow. I was with my BFF having a great time. This year I am in the depths of winter, with lots of snow and a husband who doesn’t want me around. It feels like a nightmare if I’m honest. He doesn’t want me here and I don’t want to be here. When he’s healthy and happy, he’s nice to be around, but when he’s angry and hurting, it doesn’t seem like I made the right decision to come back last January.
On that sombre note, I am going to sign off. I’ll most likely be back a bit later. Until tomorrow….
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